1) If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2) There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3) Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
4) Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
5) Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
6) Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
7) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
8) When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
9) When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
10) Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
11) Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
12) Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
13) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
14) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
15) Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
16) Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
17) For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
18) Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
19) When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
20) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
21) Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
22) Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
23) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
24) Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
25) It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
26) The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
27) Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
28) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
29) Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
30) Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
31) When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
32) There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
33) According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
34) Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
35) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
36) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
37) When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
38) Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
39) Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
40) Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
41) Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
42) Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.
43) Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
44) Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
45) Chuck Norris tears cure cancer.....too bad he has never cried.
46) What is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Norris’s fist.
47) There is no such thing as tornado's. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
48) When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
49) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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