It Has Been One Year

[trendkill]

Since I lost my two best friends.



I hate talking about this.. because I blame myself. I have nightmares about what happened to this day.. nightmares all the time. I see a Boxer or an American Bulldog, and I still tear up. I can't get over what happened.. and I don't think I ever will. But today is the one year mark.. and I feel like I have to let this out, for my boys.

The dogs and I were out at my mom's house. She lives on 11 acres, where they loved to romp around and just have fun. They were out back standing along the fence with a gleam in their eye, and I knew they wanted to go for a swim in the neighbor's pond. So I told them "Go swim". They happily slid under the fence and did what they were told. I went around front to help my mom unload some stuff from her car. The dogs were out of my sight for maybe 10 minutes when I heard frantic barking and growling. I ran around to the back and what I saw was horrific... one of the neighbor's buck horses was trampling my dogs. Capone, the American Bulldog, had a hold on the horse's front leg, Zale the Boxer was already laying on the ground. I was screaming and running at the horse.. watching and crying as he flung Capone off his leg and stomped down on Zale two, three more times. He then turned around and kicked Capone in the head with his back leg so hard that it apparently killed him on impact. After that, I just remember throwing up. I remember the neighbor coming out and helping my step dad put the dogs in the car to rush them to the vet. And then someone carrying me into my mom's house. And then some hours later my step dad came in and said the vet pronounced them dead on arrival. Then he was dragging me out of the house.. and I watched as the neighbor shot the horse in the head. I laughed.. I laughed like a crazy person laughs. I wanted to go and spit on the horse's dead body for good measure.. kick HIM in the head.. but I couldn't move.

What (George) the neighbor did may sound drastic.. but the horse had a history of attacking people and other animals. He came from an abusive home.. and he was never nice. He killed a pony, he tore apart the barn.. he kicked people. He once charged at a little girl. After this incident, George (who's arm the horse had once broken) had had it with him. He felt so bad.. he cried too. He liked my dogs.. he knew them well. He offered me a lot of money.. he offered to pay to have the dogs burried in a pet cemetary.. but I said putting the horse down was enough, thank you.

I didn't see the horse when I let the dogs go into George's yard. He has 5 or 6 horses, and I had checked. None of them were outside. Or so I thought. I saw a few in the barn through the doors.. I thought they were all put away. If I had seen a horse out, I wouldn't have let the dogs go. They were curious and would approach other animals and try to play with them. Why didn't I see the horse? If I had watched the dogs instead of going around front I would've seen the dogs heading for the fence into the pasture and I would've called them back. And they'd be alive today. :(

Zale, my Boxer, died at age 3.


Capone, my American Bull, died at age 16 months.


I don't have pictures of Capone when he was older, because I went through a phase where I tore up and deleted all the pictures of the dogs. I couldn't stand to see the pictures. (Thankfully, my aunt saved these pics on her computer.) Capone was huge.. 140lbs at a year old. He was one of the nicest looking ABs I've ever seen. His breeders recently had a repeat litter from the same parent dogs. They called last week to offer their condolences, and offered me a free puppy. But I just can't.. not yet.

Rest in peace my boys. I really hope there is a heaven for dogs.

[Johnny Utah]

How sad.

Sorry for your loss.

[danktat]

:crying: That sucks :crying:

[Red-Tailed_mustang]

That is really sad. I hope they are waiting for you at rainbow bridge.

[louise]

i read this through tears. i am so sorry that happened and you had to see it.


Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

[mpgt]

I'm really sorry Nicole.

[snakeman56]

The story touched my heart!!

I am sorry for your loss!!

[Masahiko]

I am terribly sorry about what happened!

At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy... Cherish the time you had with them. Dont focus on their death. Instead, remember the fun you had together. The running and jumping and playing and laughing you did together.

I know that, personally, I smile bigger than the grand canyon anytime I think back to the time I spent with my old dog. For a long while, though, I refused to even think about him. I guess I finally let my guard down enough to actually enjoy the past instead of ignoring it.

as a side note, I hate to see you blaming yourself. It is easy to look back and say it was preventable, but nothing is for certain. Dont be so hard on yourself. You gave them a very good life before they were taken from you.

Hope all is well,
Rick

[nanihokuahi]

:( I was trying not to read this, but I couldn't help myself. I am soooo sorry for what happened. I got really teary reading just now. I am a dork but, *air hug* It really wasn't your fault.

[Beardie Guy]

I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I know someday you will see them again!